In my head.

Yesterday I went to the Distribution Center to buy a Temple dress for my sister.The lady was nice enough to helped me out and assisted me in finding the perfect dress.She kept on telling me how good of a sister I am.Let's just say that it was kind of an emotional moment for me. I was holding back the tears until it finally came out,luckily I was already in the car.I don't know maybe it's the pregnancy hormones,but I just had this overwhelming feeling. A good feeling though a little sad. Suddenly my thoughts took me back 3.5 years ago,when I was about to get married. It was probably one of the most stressful,joyful and probably one of the saddest day of my existence. Stressful and I bet all of you would understand why.Preparing a wedding in the middle of finals,moving out from an old dorm and preparing to moved into the east of the United States.I thought I was going to pass out the day before my wedding, I was tired,exhausted,hungry and just wasn't myself I guess. But I was good in hiding most of that emotions.I held myself and did what I had to do.Because I needed to be strong,I can't fall apart nor I can't let anything ruin the most important thing that is about to take place in my life.I was excited and overjoyed.I finally found the man for me. I was thrilled and a little anxious.I know that marriage is not going to be easy. But I have the faith,and I was willing to take the risk. And the best of all I gave my heart to a person who is so ever willing to give himself to me.A man whom I know will be with me no matter what for the rest of eternity.I was lonely,cause my parents weren't there.I still wish they were there up to this very moment.I must admit I was jealous looking at other brides with their parents. It wasn't a bad envy feeling at all.I was happy for them, but I felt that it was kind of unfair for me. I was aching for my parents,longing for them and I felt that I desperately needed them at that moment. The ceremony was short and sweet.I can still remember so vividly,the most peaceful feeling. I was assured.I felt my parents presence inside the room.I don't know how,but I felt complete.I felt it so strongly,that it's just seem to be a great manifestation that what I did was right.And the overwhelming love and support of friends and family whether they were present in the room or not,was deeply felt.And I was humbled.

Today as every one of my family is busy preparing for the wedding.I am here thinking,wondering,waiting patiently for the day to arrive so I can finally see my dear sister.Tell her how happy I am for her. Waiting to show her that her older sister is there to support her.She is my best friend since the day she was born. We were like twins.And I just love her. Only a few more days away. Last night Nate and I had a pretty good talk.I wanted to sleep, I was tired.But it was one of those tender moments.Again, I was assured that I was really never alone after all. Since the day I said yes,it seems that it has always been a defining moment for me and my husband. It was me and him 3.5 years ago.And it is still me and him now. We had a miscarriage,and he never left my side.We had our first born,and we managed to do it with not very much support. I have managed to not be depress,because Nathan has been a great support.And to me having him was more than enough.

Because of circumstances things doesn't really always work out the way I wanted it to to be. I feel like my number one challenge is the circumstances. It is is really not the people, but it is mostly the circumstances. Looking back, I was probably frustrated and deeply confused. But then as time goes by I learned to just actually accept the unfortunate circumstances of life. And always just look for the good that comes out from the situation.It was never easy,and it never will be. I am pretty sure that in the future I will always find myself trying to overcome the unfortunate circumstances. I would probably have a pity party for a day, it will probably bug me for as long as I could bear it. But really, there are so many good things that had happened in my life.And there are still little miracles that keeps on happening every single day. So I will just keep on moving forward,looking upward and keep on enjoying the ride.

At the end of every day I still feel pretty lucky.